Wishing you were here Mr Uchiha
by TheDunDun
Summary: The past is a haunting place to return to, even for the strongest of men. When Sasuke Uchiha encounters the man he thought was dead; the past seems to come to play in the present.
1. Chapter 1

Sasuke sat in his grand house and suddenly the door flung open, "Sasuke," came a ghostly voice.

Sasuke jumped up, "Peter Jones?"

"No, me, Fugaku back from the grave," Sasuke's zombie dad marched in.

"Out, you're leaving mud-prints on the floor!" Sasuke hissed as Fugaku sat down and started reading a book.

"Do you remember the good old days when I was alive Sasuke?" Fugaku asked sadly.

"Mate, I am the heart and soul of those days," Sasuke laughed.

Itachi appeared at the door, "Family gathering is it? Hope you don't mind that I brought Kisame along?"

Sasuke watched as Kisame came in after Itachi.

"Erm, this is my house guys you're like, totally taking over it," Sasuke moaned.

Kisame bit Sasuke hard on the nipple.

"A question," Sasuke turned to him.

"Oh yes?" Everyone else in the room said and glanced up.

"No not you two," Sasuke hissed at his father and brother, "filthy Uchiha's,"

"What is your question my boy?" Kisame smiled.

"Well I'm wondering why your here, why my dad's back alive and reading a newspaper, what's the weather like outside and is this post or after the time skip?"

Kisame blinked, "You're a bit weird,"

"Get out!" Sasuke roared and kicked Kisame out, Itachi sniffed with sadness.

There was a knock outside from the darkness (It's night-tiiiiiiime- like from Slade)

"Who is it?" Sasuke asked and opened the door.

Kakashi popped his head through and sung, "Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree, merry, merry king of the bush is he, laugh kookaburra, laugh kookaburra gay your life must be,"

Everyone clapped. "However this is a private party," Sasuke explained after the applause.

"Oh no I have the sharingan you see," Kakashi smiled so Sasuke let him in.

Sasuke, Fugaku and Itachi started playing Cluedo and Kakashi felt left out.

"Oh," Fugaku noticed Kakashi, "Are you an Uchiha back from the grave?"

"Yeah," Kakashi lied but honestly believed it was true, "but you're not,"

"Oh, an Uchiha test!" Itachi gasped, "Do me do me!"

"I'll do you mate," Deidara winked through the window.

"Who's that?" Fugaku asked.

"Well if you hadn't been dead for so many years maybe you would know," Itachi mocked angrily.

"Yeah but you killed him so it's your fault," Kakashi pointed out to Itachi.

"Tensions are running high!" Sasuke announced with amusement.

"Right real funny," Fugaku said sarcastically.

"You've always liked Itachi more, even when he killed you, you still hated me more!" Sasuke burst into tears.

"Well there's a reason, your very annoying," Fugaku laughed.

"Oh well that's fine then," Sasuke laughed to.

"But," Fugaku paused.

"But arse pooey but ew bottoms fart," Kakashi said randomly.

"Right real creepy, forget I asked," Itachi frowned.

"Anyway I was actually going to say I've declared war on you before I was rudely interrupted by copy-cat face Kak-Kakashi," Fugaku went on.

"What's this about?"

It was Tsunade who marched in and gasped at the sight of Fugaku who was meant to be dead... because she killed him, not Itachi!

"Well my zombie dad's declared war on me," Sasuke explained casually.

"Sounds like a fun game," Naruto wandered in and said.

"Ooh, here's Sasuke's boyfriend," Itachi giggled.

"No," Kakashi said angrily and glared at Itachi.

"Somebody's a homophobic bitch," Tsunade whispered to Itachi and nodded at Kakashi.

"I'm not!" Naruto cried and ran out.

"Run Sasuke!" Tsunade suddenly yelled and kicked Sasuke out the door.

Next thing Sasuke saw was his house being blown up and Fugaku standing there with a bazooka, the war had began and his father had Kakashi, Itachi and Tsunade on his side.

"I better leave the village," Sasuke exclaimed.

"Yeah mate you do that," Percy the spider who was Sasuke's imaginary friend nodded.

* * *

_TheDunDun assures that Tsunade was in-fact the slayer of the Uchiha's and Itachi just looked a lot like her back then which caused all the confusion, if you were to check manga 44 you will find this on the third panel on the second page. _


	2. Chapter 2

Sasuke ran until he arrived at Konoha's gate where he met Ino.

"You coming?" he smiled.

"Yes, Yes I am," Ino said but she was looking over Sasuke's shoulder into the distance.

"Look at me when you speak cur," Sasuke spat.

"Yes of course," Ino nodded then developed a white dog body but with long blonde hair going down the back. "**Sasuke, you're my friend**," She moped.

"Oh, she's part Ino part Alexander the dog!" Sasuke yelped and rode off on the four-legged Chimera Ino dog just as Tsunade appeared on the scene.

Ino rode Sasuke through Konoha forest.

"Thanks Chimera Ino dog," Sasuke beamed.

"**My body hurts**," Ino moped.

"Best stop off then," Sasuke said and they both stopped off at a pool in a forest clearing.

"Better be careful guys, a forest clearing is a prime candidate for a fight scene," Shikamaru said as he appeared.

"Oh, you part of my army now?" Sasuke questioned him as Chimera Ino dog wandered to the water and drank from it.

"Yesh," Shika nodded, now wearing knight's armour.

"That looks hot in there," Sasuke noted.

"Not at all," Shikamaru said as sweat poured out the suit.

"**What army are we making Sasuke**," Ino chimera dog said in a long, drawn out, mope-y voice... you know what I mean FullMetal reader, you know.

"We are making an army against the Uchiha's," Sasuke explained.

"But you're the only Uchiha!"" Shikamaru screamed needlessly.

"No, everybody came back to life, including Tsunade," Sasuke said.

"TSUNADE, OMFG I TORT SHE WA DEADZ MAN I TOTALLY TORT SHE DEADZ!" Shikamaru wailed.

"Found you at last,"

Everybody turned to see Tsunade at the edge of the clearing.

"Who me?" Shikamaru asked.

"No him," Tsunade nodded at Sasuke.

"Oh thank god," Shikamaru sighed with relief.

"SHIKAMARU I THOUGHT YOU WERE ON MY SIDE!" Sasuke yelped.

"I did say I was only in your army for a few seconds, don't tell me I didn't cuz I did!" Shikamaru reminded.

"**Ask him to see a contract Sasuke**," Ino chimera said slowly.

"Shut up you useless mutt!" Sasuke roared now wearing a Nazi uniform.

Shikamaru looks at you, "Fucking Nazi's, suck my cocks racists!"

Then Tsunade Kame-hame-ha'd Sasuke off Ino chimera dog.

"Sorry I don't know what came over me there," Sasuke apologised with a bloody, gaping hole in his stomach.

"How's he do that then, I wish I was invincible," Shikamaru whimpered.

Tsunade looked at him sympathetically, "Don't worry, baby-doll,"

"I wasn't fucking worrying mum just back off!" Shikamaru screamed and slammed a floating door.

"Child problems?" Sasuke questioned.

"I just don't know what's gotten into him... he used to be such a nice lad," Tsunade said with tears in her eyes.

"**Sasuke, Tsunade bad-guy**," Ino chimera dog reminded.

"Oh yeah, RASENGAN!" Sasuke did his chidori and it killed Tsunade.

"What was that noise, sounded like a thousand birds?" Shikamaru demanded, looking around.

"It was my chidori mate," Sasuke said proudly.

"Well it sucks, bet you wish you could do this!" Shikamaru said then did the flying thunder god technique.

"Meh, that's decent," Sasuke shrugged.

"K LET'S GO!"

The group flew through the forest, Sasuke riding on Chimera Ino dog.

"**Why are the Uchiha's after you Sasuke**?" moped Chimera Ino dog.

"Because I leaked tactics to village leaders around the world," Sasuke explained.

_**BOSS BATTLE **_

The group stopped.

"What was that?" Sasuke asked.

"Sounded like the announcement of a boss battle," Shikamaru supposed.

"Well that's stupid..."

"YOU BASTARD!"

Itachi went flying into Sasuke knocking him down.

"Itachi? A BOSS BATTLE? Laughable, it's not like he's one of the strongest ninjas in this saga," Shikamaru laughed.

Sasuke hit Itachi away... except he didn't because it was a genjutsu with the sharingan.

"Uh oh, looks like we're in for a standing still sharingan battle, ever miss the actual taijutsu fights Chimera Ino dog?" Shikamaru sighed and looked down at the pathetic creature.

"**My body hurts, Shikamaru friend**?" replied Chimera Ino dog.

"Oh shut up," Shikamaru sighed, "Oh... and how troublesome, what a drag and all that jazz,"

"And all... that.. jazz!" Itachi and Sasuke sung together.

Finished the fight then have you?" Shikamaru smiled.

"Yes, Big brother Itachi is on our side now," Sasuke explained.

Chimera Ino dog growled lowly at Itachi.

"However," Sasuke winced, "Chimera Ino dog is your commanding officer, and she hasn't taken a liking to you, ya still wanna join Itachi?"

Itachi turned into a black dog, "Forget this chimera shit I'm a pure-bred black dog like Sirius Black, pedigree bitch!"

"Except mongrels have longer life expectancies so unlucky," Shikamaru laughed.

"ZERO MOTIVATION: THE GUY WITH CLOUD ENVY!" Sasuke announced, pointing at Shikamaru who waved to the trees.

"Anyway, let's go,"

So Sasuke, Shikamaru, Chimera Ino dog and Itachi as a black dog rode off, not before speaking to each other in half-Japanese half English like half the people on this site do.

"Oh Onee-chan, you make me so happy!" Sasuke petted Itachi the dog.

"Hai," Itachi dog nodded.

"And that's the end of the chapter," Shikamaru decided.

"I make the decisions round here pal," Sasuke warned.

"That's fine, as long as I get ten percent of the profits," Shikamaru shrugged.

"One percent,"

"two-hundred percent,"

"DEAL!"

"Wow, great deal Sasuke, you fucking Ledge... as in legend," Itachi praised.

"One last word from Chimera Ino dog," Sasuke said.

"**Reader friend? My body hurts**!"

* * *

_Chimera Ino dog is a very sad story so please don't say anything rude about it. She is half human half dog, Alexander the dog to be in-fact. TheDunDun would appreciate flames but nice reviews are sorely taken aboard. Please support the official release of FullMetal Alchemist. TheDunDun out. _


End file.
